This is more common than you’d expect, I think especially as more junior workers, new grads and interns run into situations where they’re expected to just say yes more often than we’d expect. This situation is really tough because pushing back always feels risky. There’s the fear of losing a return offer or generally not having your manager on the same side as you. But on the other hand, if you go along with something sketchy and it ever comes out, that is permanently on you. People have long memories when it comes to ethics, and it can affect both your professional reputation and, more importantly, how you feel about yourself.
The HBR framework is actually pretty practical here. First, admit to yourself that speaking up is uncomfortable because that will require addressing the situation. Then lower the social threat by keeping the focus on the work, not on accusing anyone. This could sound like, “I’m worried this could reflect badly on us if it’s misunderstood.” And then come in with options so the conversion is less uncomfortable.
If I were in her shoes, I’d start by talking to him in a straightforward manner. I could even try “I’m not comfortable doing it this way, but I’m happy to find another approach.” Most reasonable managers won’t punish someone for having basic boundaries. And if they do it’s important to remember that it probably means you shouldn’t be there anyways. Having a personal moral code you abide by will always pay off in the long run.
