Behavior: Removing my shoes by the heels when sitting, across different environments
Description of the Experience
The first thing I do when I enter my house and room is take off my shoes. As a cultural practice and mental anxiety related to cleanliness, taking off the shoes has always been related to my comfort within spaces. However, I noticed that it wasn’t just the places that I was used to – planes, restaurants, cars, class, they were all places I subconsciously undid the heel of my shoe, and sometimes my shoe in its entirety would be removed.
I wanted to track this behavior because whenever I noticed part of my shoe was off in public spaces, I would often feel ashamed. As a child, having shoes off in public spaces outside the home was always deemed disrespectful and not clean. My mind would jump to conclusions like “everyone must think I am gross,” or “everyone must think I am weird.” With my values on cleanliness and respect, I questioned why I was so comfortable with this behavior to where I do it on a daily basis.
Measurement
Over the course of 3 days, I observed my behavior over 3 different environment contexts. I tracked the behavior whenever it occurred, and because whenever I took off part of my shoe, it would be off for a long duration (usually until I stood or noticed), it would be easy to track. I tracked in 3 different environments of traveling, walking and food crawling in a large city, and a full day of normal classes to guage how this behavior manifested itself in my daily life.
Day 1, Saturday, January 9th – Full day exploring New York City
- 9:30am sitting in the conference room eating breakfast
- 1:00pm sitting in the bakery while eating
- 1:30pm after getting up for water and sitting back down in bakery
- 3:10pm sitting on a bench waiting for friend to finish shopping in soho
- 4:15pm back in hotel room, removed full shoe
- 6:20pm sitting in the dinner restaurant
- 8:20pm sitting in coffee shop hiding from rain, removed full shoes to dry feet
- 11:00pm sitting on couch of an apartment warming party
- 12:50am sitting on bench inside a late night pizza shop eating pizza
- 1:15am back in hotel room, removed full shoe
Day 2, Sunday, January 10th – Half day exploring New York City, half day traveling to SFO
- 12:10pm sitting in bagel store eating bagel in noho
- 4:00pm back in hotel room after long day of walking, removed full shoe
- 6:45pm sitting in food court of JFK airport, eating sandwich
- 9:45pm sitting on plane
- 11:00pm halfway through flight, removed full shoe
- 1:00am sitting inside close friend’s car, removed full shoe and feet(socks) on seats
Day 3, Monday, January 11th – Full day of classes
- 11:20am sitting in design class, watching presentations
- 11:50am sitting again after using bathroom, watching presentations
- 12:00pm sitting again after presenting, still in design class
- 12:45pm sitting in storey eating dinner
- 1:30pm sitting in STS class, watching lecture
- 2:30pm back in room, removed full shoe
- 6:20pm sitting in suites dining eating dinner
- 8:10pm back in room, removed full shoe
Logging Reflection
I was aware that I had this behavior as part of my daily living style, but this experience made me aware of the times that I was unaware. For example, on Sunday, when I was riding back to campus in the passenger seat of my friend’s car, I had my legs curled up on the seat with both of my shoes off, and when I was aware that my feet were on the seat, I did not remember taking off my shoes or moving my legs. It was shocking when I realized it’s because my culture and family always deemed this behavior as disrespectful, especially when the car wasn’t formally a family member’s or “how would you feel if someone random put their dirty socks on your seat?”
Something that surprised me the most was being comfortable removing the heel of my shoe so willingly in public spaces. Whether it was restaurants, cafes, bars, flights, dining halls, or class, even if there were so many people, I was subconsciously taking off the heel of my shoe. I noticed that when I was logging and made myself aware, I started to feel embarrassed, thinking people thought I was weird or being disrespectful. Logging this behavior changed my habit because I was made aware, felt embarrassed, and put my shoe back on each time.
Additionally, despite associating the removal of shoes with being clean and “not bringing dirt into the house”, I realized that collecting dirt was not an issue for me. I am surprised and confused, questioning if being clean regarding shoes is really a value of mine.
Model 1: Connection Circle
The connection circle made me notice and note every single reason related to why I feel the need to remove my shoes, which refocused my thoughts from noticing that I did this act to understanding the reasons beyond “I just do it subconsciously.” While that is true, I was able to figure out 3 key cycles that lead to this behavior, explaining why contexts of traveling, movement, and daily life still consist of the behavior. The key cycles are when I am feeling discomfort with the shoe or my foot, when I exist in a comfortable environment and seek more comfort, and when I am feeling bored (maybe after sitting for a while). I also saw that there was an element of embarrassment causing a cycle, in which I would remove the shoe and put it back on after a reason gets triggered.
Model 2: Iceberg Model
This model created depth in explaining my mental assumptions, systemic structures, my patterns, and what behaviors result from it. I enjoyed this model because I thought critically about my context and repeated behaviors, but what surprised me the most was thinking about all of my mental models and assumptions I made regarding my own actions. For example, I wondered about why I took my shoes off every time I ate, and it made me reflect on my childhood home, where during dinners in the kitchen, I removed my shoes or often put my feet curled in front of me on the chair. This combination of feelings of comfort, muscle memory, and nostalgia explained to me why even in public, restaurants and eating spaces frequently triggered my habit.
What I would do differently next time:
In conclusion, I learned that I love getting comfortable, and a part of that comfort comes with removing my shoes. I also learned that simple habits hold so much more depth than we think, especially when they are actions we do subconsciously on a daily basis. By keeping track and noticing all of the times I performed this habit, I became more aware of my behavior and developed a curiosity of wanting to find out the “why.” I would observe my behavior over more days, and I would like to test out the urges through different shoes and environments. I also want to observe social shame or outward acknowledgment of my habit to see how it influences my comfort.
